As Told By Ashley

A look at my life

Archives for March 2018

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When I knew it was time to quit my job

I graduated nursing school in May 2017, got my license in June and starting working at a very prestigious hospital in October. Fast forward to today – I’m currently looking for new jobs. I’ve only held my current position for about 6 months which in the world of healthcare equates to nothing.

I had thoughts of leaving my job plenty of times in the beginning, but I chucked it up to taking on multiple projects at one time. I had just started working in October and was already planning on going back to school to get my bachelor’s degree. I ended up postponing that until the new year. I had moved out of my parents house in December and was living on my own for the first time. The emotional toll of moving out on my own was incredibly overwhelming. I was broke all the time.

Basically I was emotionally, physically, and financially bankrupt. Being a nurse is an awesome career, but if you don’t truly love what you’re doing as a nurse – this field can definitely burn you out quickly. My first month after being off of orientation, I was mandated to stay over for a second 8 hour shift at least seven times. My unit has been understaffed since I started. Not to mention – it’s an inpatient psychiatric unit!!

When did I know it was time to quit my job?

  • When the thought of going to work the next day began to give me so much anxiety that I could not sleep the night before
  • When I realized how much my mood significantly changed once I was actually at work
  • When I actually stood in front of my coworkers and said “I hate this patient”
  • When I found myself being jealous of my friends and their jobs
  • When I accepted the fact that I wasn’t truly happy

I made the decision on my way to work this morning that I was going to take this week and begin applying for new jobs. As much as I don’t want to start all the way over somewhere else, it’s a small price to pay for peace of mind. Being a nurse is stressful; I expect that. But if I’m going to be stressed out from a job, I’d much rather be working in a field that I’m truly passionate about.

And y’all, psych ain’t it.

This morning while I was sitting in my car reading my emails, I noticed that each one had the same overall theme: giving your best in the worst situations. So, I also decided that even though I don’t enjoy being a psychiatric nurse, I will strive to be the best nurse I can be here until I get a new job somewhere else.

I walked onto my unit today prepared for it to be a complete mess. Instead, I got a day of downtime where I was able to do this post, update my resume and apply for some new jobs.

We’ll see how it goes✌🏽

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On my own

When I first started looking for places to live, I must admit that I did it with a bit of naïveté. I had this image in my head of what living on my own would look like. It was glamorous, complete with upholstered furniture, bar stools, open floor plans, and freshly brewed coffee every morning. I was so very wrong.

I’ve been in my apartment for almost 2 whole months and it doesn’t look much different than the day I moved in. I still have boxes!! 2 months in and I still have boxes with items in them. While moving out was one of the most exciting things I’ve ever done, it’s also been one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done.

I enjoy living on my own, but I hate living on my own. It’s something that most people have a desire to do once they reach a certain age. As I type this, I can hear the voices of all of my family members that told me not to do it.

“Don’t pay bills until you absolutely have to”

“Wait. Just wait”

“Don’t be in such a rush to grow up”

“Paying rent is not fun”

The list goes on and on…

I knew what paying rent would entail. I knew that there would be some stress involved in paying other bills. What no one prepared me for was the intense feelings of loneliness that come with living on your own.

I didn’t want a roommate. I’m not that interested in sharing my space with another human being. The only person I’m willing to do that with is the husband God plans to bless me with one day. So for now, I remain alone. For the most part, it’s been great. It’s quiet. It’s peaceful. Everything is how I left it when I return from wherever I’ve spent my day.

But, there are some moments where the quiet is just too much. It’s deafening. When you live alone, you’re essentially forced to deal with yourself. I was excited about living by myself because I thought this would finally give me the time to read, study, pray, etc in peace. Little did I know that God would use this time to force me to deal with myself. When you have no one to talk to but God, you learn a lot about yourself very quickly.

I guess that’s the main reason I started this blog: to share the things I’m learning.

Update: Since I originally made this post, my parents have been here and cleaned up my apartment. Lol! Out of the goodness of my mother’s heart, she cleaned up everything while I was at work one Saturday. I mean everything! Home girl washed my dishes, washed my clothes, cleaned my bathroom…everything. Thanks mom!!

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TOSC 18

I just finished watching Day 2 of The Online Singles Conference 2018.

It. Was. Awesome.

The conference is hosted by Married and Young founders Jamal and Natasha Miller. It’s comprised of multiple sessions taught by different singles and couples in ministry. This year’s conference was their third TOSC, but it was my first time attending. The conference is completely online and totally convenient for the person who doesn’t have all day to sit at their computer watching. Fortunately for me, I was able to sit home all day since I finally had some time off from work.

The number one reason why I enjoyed this conference so much is because it catered to every season. Even though the conference targets singles, it’s definitely for married couples as well. Day 1 was completely dedicated to the marriage season. It was helpful in preparing those of us who desire to be married and I believe it was a blessing to those who are already married and may be struggling with that. Apostle Matthew Stevenson and his wife Kamilah did a session on mother/father wounds and how they manifest themselves that absolutely blew my mind. I can’t even pick a session and say it was “my favorite” because I learned something valuable from each one of them.

Pause. Yes I can – the session with Talaat and Tai McNeely was definitely my favorite because it dealt with the topic of money and getting my finances together before marriage has been my top priority lately. But!!! That doesn’t discredit any of the other sessions. Jared Ellis shared a man’s perspective on being single for an extended period of time and it was awesome. I always enjoy hearing from the Lindsay’s. The story of their first year of marriage is definitely worth listening to. Pastor Mike Todd was there! Y’all. It was awesome.

The overall theme of the conference seemed to surround the idea of maximizing your time and potential while in your single season. Every speaker seemed to really push the point of focusing on yourself and really getting that one-on-one time with God while you actually have the time. There’s no better time to get to know God intimately than when you’re single. You have no one to answer to but God. You have no one to compare and align schedules with but God. You can pick up and leave whenever you want. You are free to do what God wants you to do without having to consider another person’s wellbeing in the process. I’m sad to say, that I never thought of my single season that way.

Perspective is everything.

This conference revealed so many things in me and about me that need to be worked out and worked on before marriage. The hosts also lead The One University which is a year long (approximately) program of intentional singleness. I’ve been a member of TOU for a while now and I must admit that I haven’t been taking it seriously. It wasn’t until today that I realized that it truly is an investment into myself and the kind of wife that I hope to be one day.

I’d love to go into more detail about TOU, but I honestly believe that Jamal and Natasha put their whole hearts into this program and if you want to experience it – you should pay for it. I do, every month. It is an investment. It’s helped so many people. I’ve read and watched the TOU success stories and they’re very inspiring. I look forward to updating you guys on my journey.

Peace✌🏽