When I first started looking for places to live, I must admit that I did it with a bit of naïveté. I had this image in my head of what living on my own would look like. It was glamorous, complete with upholstered furniture, bar stools, open floor plans, and freshly brewed coffee every morning. I was so very wrong.
I’ve been in my apartment for almost 2 whole months and it doesn’t look much different than the day I moved in. I still have boxes!! 2 months in and I still have boxes with items in them. While moving out was one of the most exciting things I’ve ever done, it’s also been one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done.
I enjoy living on my own, but I hate living on my own. It’s something that most people have a desire to do once they reach a certain age. As I type this, I can hear the voices of all of my family members that told me not to do it.
“Don’t pay bills until you absolutely have to”
“Wait. Just wait”
“Don’t be in such a rush to grow up”
“Paying rent is not fun”
The list goes on and on…
I knew what paying rent would entail. I knew that there would be some stress involved in paying other bills. What no one prepared me for was the intense feelings of loneliness that come with living on your own.
I didn’t want a roommate. I’m not that interested in sharing my space with another human being. The only person I’m willing to do that with is the husband God plans to bless me with one day. So for now, I remain alone. For the most part, it’s been great. It’s quiet. It’s peaceful. Everything is how I left it when I return from wherever I’ve spent my day.
But, there are some moments where the quiet is just too much. It’s deafening. When you live alone, you’re essentially forced to deal with yourself. I was excited about living by myself because I thought this would finally give me the time to read, study, pray, etc in peace. Little did I know that God would use this time to force me to deal with myself. When you have no one to talk to but God, you learn a lot about yourself very quickly.
I guess that’s the main reason I started this blog: to share the things I’m learning.
Update: Since I originally made this post, my parents have been here and cleaned up my apartment. Lol! Out of the goodness of my mother’s heart, she cleaned up everything while I was at work one Saturday. I mean everything! Home girl washed my dishes, washed my clothes, cleaned my bathroom…everything. Thanks mom!!