As Told By Ashley

A look at my life

Archives for March 2020

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Social distancing

The world has pretty much been in an uproar since for the last couple of weeks because of Coronavirus. It’s amazing how it took something of this magnitude to get the world’s attention. Since the whispers of the virus first started, I noticed an increase in my anxiety and I’m sure I’m not alone in that. I actually had to stop looking at social media and news sites. I didn’t (and still don’t) watch the news when they’re talking about it. I don’t even like to read about it or respond to it in my group text messages. Avoidance isn’t the best form of protection but at this point in order to maintain my sanity, I try not to get involved in the conversation – even with other healthcare workers.

Life at the nurses station has changed a lot in the past week. Things were changing in the matter of one 12-hour shift. I would leave work at 7:30 pm and come back to newly mandated hospital policies the next day at 7 am. My hospital has implemented a One Visitor policy and I know of others where no visitors are allowed. Licenses that were supposed to be renewed by the end of March and April are now exempt from expiring until further notice. New nursing licenses cannot be issued. When I do take the time to have conversations with my friends from nursing school about how their hospitals are handling the virus, I become more aware of the different information we’re receiving. What I heard from our infectious disease doctors is completely different from what my friends have heard from their infectious disease doctors. In such a chaotic time in healthcare, who do you trust?

God

I choose to trust God. Why? Because God doesn’t change. At a time where information and policies are changing before you can even carry out previous instructions we need stability. For that, I choose God. For peace of mind, I choose God. For protection, I choose God. It’s been amazing to see all the other gods people have chosen over the one true God (myself included). Fear tends to expose those things within us. There’s no better time than the present to rekindle your relationship with the one who holds your future in His hands. And I can assure you America, it is not the president. Open your bibles and read them. Pray a little bit more. Watch a sermon. Listen to some worship music. Do something! Every single thing that can serve as a distraction from God has been affected in some way, shape, or form. Use this time wisely.

Stay inside. Wash your hands. Don’t touch your face. Practice social distancing. Flatten the curve. Keep the faith.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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Worry

So I’ve made the move back home with my parents in preparation for all that is to come in 2020.

However, I’m not writing about that today. My father and I were taking some of my things to storage yesterday and he said something to me in the midst of organizing all my crap in the storage unit that I just had to share. Usually when I share stories about my dad they involve some insane thing that he said to either myself or my sister that left us shaking our heads and/or crying from laughter. Yesterday’s one-liner gave me an all new feeling.

Per usual, I was overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I’ve accumulated since moving out back in 2017. I was worried that it wouldn’t all fit in this little storage room. As my father is carefully rearranging things already in the unit to fit in the last of things from my apartment I couldn’t help but ask him if he was sure it was gonna all fit. He never looked at me; he never stopped working. Instead he said, “I’m not worried, so why are you? If I start to worry, then you can worry.”

The amount of peace that came over me in that moment is indescribable. Immediately I thought of God. People often say how we associate our views of God as our heavenly father based on our relationship with our worldly father. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a two-parent household with a very present father, so I never really had to guess what a father is supposed to be like. But I think that was the first time I heard my Heavenly Father in my worldly father’s voice.

Anxiety has been a constant in my life for some years now. When it started – I honestly don’t remember. This past year has been a struggle (for reasons I may discuss in a future post) and the amount of worry I’ve experienced has increased in ways that I really can’t articulate. And to be honest, I’ve been worried about some of the dumbest things. But sometimes you just can’t help it.

I’m not worried, so why are you? A question God probably asks us on a regular basis. If I start to worry, then you can worry. How amazing is it that we serve a God who is never worried?!

Not worrying will always be easier said than done, but it does feel good to know that at any given moment we can give that worry to God. We can lay it at his feet and rest knowing that the issue will be handled according to his will.

That’s all I have for today. Peace ✌🏽

Xoxo,

Ash, RN