I’ve been wanting to share my birth story for a while now. My intention was to share it last week, but time got away from me. Nevertheless, here it is:
At my 39 week appointment, the Thursday before I went into labor, I was checked and told that I was only 1 centimeter. I was a little sad, but it was to be expected since I’m a first time mom. I got my membranes swept and let me just say – ouch. I had one strong contraction after that and then nothing else. Again, I was very disappointed.
M had been staying at my house that week in case I went into labor overnight. Saturday night after working in an area closer to his house, he decided to stay there instead of coming back to my house. I was feeling a little uncomfortable on Saturday but nothing to write home about, so I went on with my normal day. Saturday night I was having contractions and they were very noticeable. I did squats and some stretches and some walking around my house and by Sunday morning at 3am I was having regular contractions every 3-5 minutes. I waited about 2.5 hours to see if they went away; I did all the things (change positions, hydrate, etc.). I called my doctor and got the okay to come in, so I drove to the hospital. You drove yourself? Yes, I drove myself. M wasn’t answering his phone and I was getting more and more uncomfortable so I drove myself.
I arrived at the hospital and was put on the monitor. They checked my cervix and told me that I was 3 centimeters. I was told to walk for an hour and see if I made cervical change, so I did. They rechecked me and I was still 3, but I was still contracting regularly. They sent me home. My mom came and picked me up from the hospital and I went back to my parents’ house so that I wouldn’t have to be alone. I continued to labor until about 5ish that evening. My contractions has spaced out by then to about every 5-7 minutes but they were way more intense and starting to last longer. My mom took me back to the hospital, and I did the whole dance again. They checked me again and I was still 3cm. I walked for 40 minutes (even though my note says I walked for an hour – lies!!). They rechecked me and I was still 3cm. This time when I was being given my discharge instructions, I was told that I would only be admitted if I was 6 centimeters or my water was broken. I was instructed to take 1 gram of Tylenol and 25 mg of Benadryl and to try to get some sleep. That was the proposed remedy for my contractions – Tylenol and Benadryl. The contraction pain never fully went away, but I was able to sleep through it.
The next morning (my due date) my contractions were back to being more intense, so I walked around to help ease the discomfort. My mom sometimes goes for a walk in the mornings so I decided to go with her. By the time we came back from the walk I was in pain. I tried the little Tylenol and Benadryl trick again to see if I could get some rest and it did not touch my pain or help me rest. It got to the point where I called my doctors office to see if I should come in again, and they said yes. We go back to the hospital and by that time I couldn’t even tolerate riding in the car while having a contraction. We get to the hospital, get checked in, get put on the monitor, and they checked me…3 centimeters. Again, I was given the option to stay and walk for an hour or leave. I chose walking; my mom walked with me. She made me squat 5-10 times every other lap. It was low key torture. I was not happy with my mom in that moment, but I’m grateful she made me do it. They rechecked me and I was 6 centimeters with a bulging bag. I was so happy that I actually cried.
They admitted me, and the first thing I did was get an epidural. I had wanted to go as long as I could without meds, but I was having the worst back labor. It literally felt like someone was stabbing me in the back and twisting the knife each time. I was terrified of the epidural. I’ve seen probably 1000 epidurals done, but I was still nervous and scared to get one myself. Of course, something happened and my epidural placement was a little off so I was supposed to be looking out for a headache. Despite the placement being questionable, my epidural worked great. I felt no pain afterwards, just pressure. I was started on pitocin, and eventually they broke my water. After 5 hours I was still 6 centimeters. My doctor came in and said that I should have progressed by then (which was true) and that he would give me a few more hours of pitocin before discussing other options. He asked my nurse Brennan – yes, my nurse was a guy – if he thought I needed an IUPC and I very quickly said “I would like an IUPC”. I tried very hard not to nurse myself. I wanted to be treated like a patient, but I also know how to advocate for myself because of my experience as a L&D nurse. I knew that if I was going to get a c-section I wanted it to be because we did all that we could do and exhausted all of my options. My baby’s heart rate was perfectly fine – moderate with accelerations. I just wasn’t progressing. I got the IUPC and we realized that my contractions were essentially nothing. They weren’t strong enough, but because my contractions were so close together my pitocin was never increased.
We were finally able to increase to my pitocin. My nurse changed my position regularly, and it was super helpful. Eventually I starting having what I like to call the “baby shakes”. It’s the point in labor where you just start shaking and shivering. I wasn’t cold, but I could not stop shaking. I was feeling pressure but it didn’t feel any stronger than it been pre-epidural. I was able to feel my contractions again so M (yes, he eventually made it to the hospital) was rubbing my back and shoulders while I was breathing through my contractions again. A little before 1am the day after my due date, the doctor came back in to check me. 10 centimeters, 100% effaced, and 0 station. Me being the nurse that I am and wanting to avoid the 2.5 hour average time that a first time mom spends pushing, I asked my doctor if I could labor down and he said no. He said to try pushing and see how I do. I had already made up in my mind that if I sucked at pushing I was going to labor down; I was not going to push for hours. No freaking way.
I started pushing at 1:02 and had my baby boy at 1:24. I pushed for 22 minutes. It was the coolest, weirdest, grossest, most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. I actually felt his head move down every time I pushed. They put him on my belly and the first thing I said was “oh my gosh he actually is cute”. He didn’t cry. His color looked good. His tone was good. He just wouldn’t cry. So naturally, they took him to the warmer to suction him and then he started crying. It was a very surreal experience and I’m so grateful to God for it. He was and still is perfect.
Things I liked:
- My nurse Brennan. He was absolutely amazing. Very rarely do you see men in labor and delivery but he was awesome. He treated and talked to me like a patient with nursing experience, but still explained everything in simpler terms to M and my mom. He even had a whole conversation with M about passing out and how to prevent it.
- My anesthesiologist. She was great and a very calming presence. She pre-treated me for a headache just in case my epidural placement led to that and I’m glad. I did get a twinge of a headache, but nothing like it could’ve been.
- My mom was able to stay for my delivery. The visitation rules were a little confusing. We were under the impression she had to leave at 9pm but that was only the case for postpartum.
- They gave me time to do skin to skin before taking my little guy to weigh him.
- The food wasn’t bad.
Things I didn’t like:
- Being told that I could only be admitted if my water was broken or I was 6 cm, but hearing them debate admitting another patient who was only 1 cm because she was “truly uncomfortable”. What was I?? Faking it? Just because I’m not bawling crying when I have a contraction doesn’t mean they don’t hurt. And like I said, being seated and contracting hurt 20 times worse than moving around.
- The constant in and out that happens in postpartum – everyone is just doing their job but I feel like the coming and going of different people was never ending.
- Whenever I had a question about my baby I was told “oh it’s normal”. I’m actually super guilty of this as a nurse and I need to do so much better about it. You telling me it’s normal doesn’t tell me what it is or how I go about caring for it. Newborn rash – I had never heard of that. I don’t even remember that in nursing school, but no one explained it to me. They just said it’s normal. If it wasn’t for the pediatrician, I would’ve went to Google for answers.
- I made the mistake of falling asleep with my baby on my chest. 100% in the wrong for that, but the nurse who woke me was super rude about it. And by falling asleep I mean I hung up with my mom at 7 and they came in my room at 7:10 for bedside report. She was rude though. I actually cried afterwards. I felt like I was being scolded for being a bad parent.
- Not being given the opportunity to labor down. Granted – I didn’t need it. But not every woman’s experience is like mine. To be told/asked to push from 0 station as a first time mom is absurd. All of the studies support laboring down as the preferred course of action to help reduce tearing, maternal fatigue, etc. It’s the more natural thing to do, but some doctors are just so impatient. Advocacy is important in times like this. Like I said, if my pushing would have been super crappy I would’ve asked again to labor down.
- Visitation. I know and understand better than anyone why visitation is the way it is and of course we followed the rules. I just remember when my cousin was in labor and my whole family was there and they had a great time. I would’ve liked to have a similar experience just to help pass the time.
All in all, I think this entire experience has given me a completely different perspective of how my patients feel. Pregnancy, labor, and delivery are all something you truly don’t understand until you experience it yourself. I think I’ll see my patients differently when I return to work. I hope to be as good of a nurse to my patients as Brennan was to me. There are some things I wish I would’ve done differently during labor. I really wanted to go for as long as I could before getting an epidural. I think if I would’ve kept moving I could have gone a little longer before getting my epidural and I could’ve handled my contractions better. Another thing I wish I did differently is that I kept my eyes closed the entire time I was pushing. I didn’t see my son come out. I felt it, but I didn’t see it. I didn’t open eyes until he was on my belly and I was stunned. It really is true when they say the entire experience is a blur in the moment. I vividly remember things now, but at the time there was so much going on that I was completely out of it.
At the end of the day it was totally worth it. All the nausea, vomiting, heartburn, sleepless nights, hip and pelvic pain, anxiety, and tears – totally 1000% worth it. Seeing his little dimples when he smiles in his sleep…I’m smitten.