Newborn no more

My baby boy is no longer a newborn. He’s officially three months old and I’m just as in love with him today as I was the day he was born. These past three months have been the most challenging and faith building months of my life. I’ve learned so much though. Allow me to share:

• Like I said before, the first month is all about survival. That was the best advice I heard/read and it really changed my way of thinking about everything I was doing to get through the day in the beginning.
• All of those moms on Instagram & Facebook that you see with the bags and bags of breast milk are not the norm. My sister had to drill that into my mind repeatedly. I make enough milk for my son and when I don’t, we supplement. There’s nothing wrong with that.
• There’s no such thing as a schedule in the beginning. Baby will start to show patterned behavior, but a schedule is nonexistent. So if you’re like me and you thrive with a set schedule, try not to let baby’s habits (or lack thereof) frustrate you. You will be flustered, but it gets better so try not to get frustrated. Advice that I’m currently walking through right now.
• The worst advice I was given as a new mom was “sleep when the baby sleeps”. People who continue to give this advice should be quiet. It’s not always easy to do that, especially if you’re a single parent like myself. Definitely sleep when you can, but that won’t always be when the baby is sleeping. I spent a lot of time cleaning and/or giving some undivided attention to my dog while my kiddo was sleeping.
• Say NO and don’t feel bad about it, ever. I’ve had to learn this and to be honest, I’m still learning. Not everyone can (or should) have access to my son. That means I can say no to FaceTime calls, home visits, offers to babysit, etc. If I don’t want my son around certain family members, that’s my choice and for right now that’s the only choice that matters.
• For my fellow single parents – set boundaries with your child(ren)’s other parent. This is something that I’m still learning how to do, but it’s super important as the primary parent. You are home base. You and your home are your child’s safe place. Set those boundaries and don’t apologize for them, especially when the other parent is inconsistent in the child’s life.
• Communicate. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. This was and still is a tough one for me. Bear and I have been so incredibly blessed by our extended family. They’ve done things to help us that many people don’t even know about. If it wasn’t for them I probably would’ve lost my house.
• It’s okay if you don’t feel that instant connection and overwhelming love for your baby. More people are bringing this issue to light and I just want to reiterate it. I love my son. I loved him the day he was born, but it wasn’t instant. It took a while for me to feel that overwhelming sense of joy that comes with being a new mom. And let’s be honest, that feeling can be easily snuffed out when you’re tired, hungry, and haven’t showered or slept in 24+ hours. Babies take so much more than they give in the beginning and it’s draining. So yeah, you may not have all the feels in the beginning and that’s okay.
• It does get better. My friend Jennifer said that to me a lot, and she was so right. It doesn’t always get easier, but it does in fact get better. The sleepless nights and frustration are a small price to pay to see your baby happy and healthy. Bear is thriving and it’s such a blessing to see.
• Figure out what works for you and your family when it comes to the big things like sleep. The AAP does not recommend co-sleeping but for some it’s their only option. Do your own research so that you’re informed and then make a decision based on what you feel is best for you and your baby. We co-sleep sometimes on the nights when my little guy struggles to sleep, but for the most part he’s in his crib.

There’s so much more that I could say, but the truth is that I’m still learning myself. I’m still learning my baby. I’m still trying to figure things out. Being a mom is one of the hardest and most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I love it. It’s stressful, but I love it.