Today’s the day.
I can’t believe we made it. But by the grace of God, my son is one year old. I sat with this post for a long time because at first I couldn’t really think of the words I wanted to say. But I’m sitting here thinking about this time last year and all I can really say is thank you. Thank you to each and every person who helped and supported us this past year (and even before then).
I have struggled all week with what to put in this post because I’m not even sure what I wanted it to be about. I considered going down the list of each and every person who has played a significant role in our lives this past year, but that would be a lot. The month-by-month posts take care of how life was life-ing during those times. So what do we tackle today?
Well…I officially have a walker. We can start there. In regards to that I have to say, it is virtually impossible to catch your baby’s first steps on camera because it will happen at the most random time and you will likely not be able to find your phone in the moment. I could not get to my phone fast enough, but I don’t even care because at least I was there to witness it with my own two eyes. Watching Austin grow and learn this past year has been absolutely amazing. I’ve learned so much – about him and about myself in the past year. I have loved every minute of being a mom and will always be grateful to God for allowing me the opportunity.
I have to remind myself on a regular basis that I am literally living an answered prayer, multiple answered prayers actually. I prayed that I would get to be a mom ✅. I prayed specifically that my first born would be a boy ✅. I prayed that I would have a safe delivery (because everyone’s heard of the nurse curse) ✅. I prayed that I wouldn’t push for 2-3 hours like your “average first time mom” ✅ (24 minutes baby!). I prayed that I would have the type of job where I could be home with my kid ✅ – I don’t always like or enjoy my job but it is still an answered prayer nonetheless. The list goes on and on for things I asked for and God delivered.
I feel like I say this all the time, but it’s always worth mentioning because it’s an important part of my story. I was so detached from my pregnancy. I was not all in. I was not as excited as I thought I should be. I had a lot of shame and guilt. I felt extra “sinful”. I felt like because I had done this bad thing that there was no possible way that God would let me have this kid, so I better not get attached. Past experiences told me that everything (or everyone) that I loved too much, I would lose. I didn’t wanna lose this kid, so to protect myself I chose not to be too hopeful about this pregnancy. I’m not the type to have regrets, so while I don’t regret my choices I do wish I would’ve done things differently and truly celebrated this good thing.
Today my good thing is one. He is so much more than I could have ever prayed for. He is super sweet. He is lovable. He’s snuggly. He is such a goofball. He has dimples for days and they will absolutely melt your heart. He’s still super gummy since he only has 2 full teeth. He knows what he does and does not want, and he will let you know both things. He can be a bit bashful at times. He seems to be interested the most in things that roll. As I stated earlier he is walking but still finds crawling to be the fastest mode of transportation. He loves dogs (and other animals). Splashing at bath time is always a good time. Peek-a-boo (the show) is a hit; it’s the kind of hit that comes with giggling, stomping, and the occasional squeal. He’s made me a better and stronger person.
I think I’ve settled in the fact that this post will never do justice to the way I truly feel about my boy. I cannot put into words how much I truly love him. It’s just impossible. So I’ll just leave it here.
💙🐻💙 Happy Birthday Austin 💙🐻💙
Xoxo,
Mama