As Told By Ashley

by

What’s your motive?

Usually one of the first things I do in the mornings is check the verse of the day. I use the YouVersion app and the verse of the day shows up as one of the widgets when I swipe my lock screen. Yesterday’s verse of the day was Mark 11:24 (I use the NLT version), “I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. Very encouraging word, right?

This morning I woke up and per usual I checked my verse of the day. Even though I wasn’t fully awake and my eyes were still adjusting I managed to read what was there. “And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong – you only want what will give you pleasure” (James 4:3 NLT). I got up and went on with my morning routine. I ended up sitting in my living room preparing to journal about the two verses because they spoke to me on a heart level. I opened my YouVersion app and scrolled to the verse of the day and it was not James 4:3. I was so confused because not only did I know what I had seen, but I recognized what I felt as I read that verse. You can’t deny the feeling of conviction. (Well you could but what good would that do?) I was so excited after reading yesterday’s verse only to be reminded of a very harsh reality that we often overlook when seeking God for the desires of our heart.

What’s your motive?

Why do you want that job?

Why do you want that relationship with that person?

Why do you want more money?

Why do you want that house or that car?

I think in the moments where we feel like God isn’t answering our prayers like his word says he will in Mark 11, we should remember what his word also says in James 4. When things don’t go our way, we’re quick to blame God or believe that he doesn’t hear us or that we’ve messed up so bad in the past that there’s no way he would give us the desires of our heart. But that’s not true. Sometimes God doesn’t give us the desires of our heart simply because we desire them for the wrong reasons.

Check your motive.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

by

I Wish I Was Moving Up In The World

I can’t tell you all how many times I’ve had this thought. This particular phrase came up in a conversation with one of my cousins after I purchased a new vehicle. It was said jokingly but it really made me think.

Like I said, I’ve had this thought often. It comes with deep seated issues of comparison. It comes with wondering why this person is married and that person is having a baby and I’m not doing either of those things. My issues with comparison is something that I rarely speak about openly. When you bring up how you feel about everyone moving on in life, it is usually met with responses like “but you’re doing great things” or “not everything you see online is how it is in real life”.

Very true statements, but ultimately not helpful.

The thought process that I had after reading this in the text from my cousin is what prompted me to write. There are many times when I don’t feel like I’m moving up in the world, and it is usually in those times when I realize that I’ve definitely moved up in spirit. Insecurities and feelings of jealousy and discontentment use to plague my thoughts when seeing others “move up in the world”. But lately all of those feelings have been replaced with prayers for those that I see moving up and for myself.

Nothing deep with this post – just a thought.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

by

“Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7 NLT)

That’s the verse of the day for today. I came across it after I had messaged my ex-boyfriend for the last time, without knowing whether he would ever read my message. But that’s okay, because after sending it I experienced this very peace. Overall our relationship didn’t last that long, but it was fun. He was just what I needed in my life at the time. His presence served its purpose. I walked away from that experience with good things and bad things that I will probably carry with me for the rest of my life. Despite the good and bad, I have peace.

Although our relationship ended on good terms, the events that unfolded after were completely bizarre. I still can’t believe I entertained that foolishness. But I’m grateful! Being able to witness the craziness that was happening to my ex’s new girlfriend actually gave me a front row seat to what my life would have been like had we stayed together. How many of us actually get the opportunity to see up close and personal what God wanted to protect us from? Like I said, there are repercussions from that relationship that I will always carry with me but that’s a small price to pay for the peace and understanding I’ve been given regarding why it had to end.

Just thought I’d share.

That’s all I have to say about that.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

https://astoldbyashley.com/2019/05/21/100/

by

But even if you don’t…

For the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking about these five words. I’ve heard a variation of them in different sermons and messages from a few different pastors and preachers over the last month or so. To be honest, I’ve struggled with these five words.

It’s the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. I’m not going to go through the whole thing, but it’s important that we set the scene. They were the 3 young men who stood in front of King Nebuchadnezzar and basically told him that they would not bow down to his gods. He threatened to toss them (alive) into a blazing hot furnace. The three young men stood in front of the king and told him once more that they would not bow down. They then proceeded to tell the king that they knew God would save them if they were to be thrown into the furnace. But look at what they said next:

“If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.”

‭‭Daniel‬ ‭3:17-18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“But even if he doesn’t…”

I sat for a while wondering if I’ve ever been that bold in my faith. Lately it hasn’t seemed that way. I made the decision to return home to my parents’ house and since then anything and everything that could go wrong has. I told my mom today that I feel like I’m one car problem away from a nervous breakdown. She told me to stay calm and be positive; everything would work out.

But even if it doesn’t…

Well, what if it doesn’t? Then what do I do?

The truth is…I don’t know. I won’t know unless it actually doesn’t work out. Why is it that we have so much faith that things will work out but lack the belief that even if he doesn’t do that thing that we need or give us that relationship that we want, we will still be okay. These three boys knew that even if God chose not to spare their lives, they would still okay because they would have died in obedience.

Can we say and/or do the same? Just a thought.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

by

I’m currently working on an assignment for school. It’s about mentoring. The assignment got me thinking…

What type of mentor do I want to be?

At my last job I had the privilege of being assigned a mentor that was separate from my preceptor (more on that later). By the time my mentor and I knew she was my mentor, I was already over my job and looking for new ones. The person that was chosen to be my mentor was incredibly fit for the job. She was in the process of getting her master’s and a clinical instructor. She was great to work with and a very helpful resource on those stressful days. Had we had the proper mentor/mentee relationship, I think we both would have flourished. I think it would have been good for her to put on her resume or use for the clinical ladder and for me – maybe I wouldn’t have hated my job so much so quickly.

I mentioned earlier that my mentor was not my preceptor. Smartest decision ever! My preceptor trained me on the job for the job. She was also great and a very helpful resource. Preceptors are meant to teach and evaluate your performance as a nurse; the relationship is professional. In the case of mentors, I think the relationship is (or should be) more personal.

Things you should look for in a mentor:

  • Someone who listens to you
  • Someone who encourages you
  • Someone who is willing to push you out of you comfort zone
  • Someone who has the ability to look past how THEY feel to help you
  • Someone who will hold you accountable
  • Someone who does not shy away from providing constructive criticism
  • Someone who has the ability to be lead (Some of the best mentors have their own mentor. You cannot be an effective leader if you don’t know how to be lead.)

Those were just some of the things I thought about. I’m interested to know if you guys had a mentor and how they treated you. Were they helpful? Kind? Could they have done or been better? Let me know.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

https://astoldbyashley.com/2019/02/12/85/

by

Back to square one

I started a new job about a month ago. Instead of spending my day on the psych unit, I spend my day assessing newborn babies and I absolutely love it.

My last day at my old job was bittersweet. Although I didn’t enjoy what I was doing, I was good at it. Going from doing something you’re good at but hate to do something that you love but know absolutely nothing about has by far been one of the most humbling experiences. But I look forward to going to work which is something that I haven’t felt since becoming a nurse.

It’s a completely different scene and requires a completely different part of my personality than being a psych nurse. When I was talking to my patients I could rely not only on biblical teaching but personal experience. Here, I’m relying on textbooks and the knowledge of those around me who know more and have experienced more than me. I love learning from them. I loved learning from my psych nurses. But, this is different.

I find myself seeking new opportunities to increase my knowledge in every aspect of Labor and Delivery nursing – from labor to the newborn to breastfeeding and so on.

We’ll see where this goes…✌🏽

by

Keepsake Box

My god-daughter just celebrated her 9th birthday yesterday and I was really struggling with what to get her as a gift. I knew I didn’t want to give her money and I bought her clothes for Christmas. I don’t have children right now, so I have no idea what they like. I decided to pick the brains of a few of my coworkers that have young children or grandchildren. The best idea I got was a keepsake box. My coworker suggested buying a box and filling it with a few little things that were special to us and instructing her to continue adding to it. I had no idea where I was going to find a box or what I was going to put inside of it. I mentioned the idea to my sister, and of course she suggested: Let’s make one. So we did.

I knew from the beginning that something I wanted to include in the box was a journal. Writing has always been one of my favorite things to do, but journaling is a little different. It’s a place to put your innermost thoughts and feelings that you don’t really want to share with anyone else. Every little girl needs one. We got her a cute little journal from Target along with a set of gel pens because let’s face it, the colorful pens are what make journaling fun.

The whole process, had we sat down and done it straight through, probably would’ve taken 3-4 hours. The inspiration for the box was a cute little journal that I picked up from target. All of the products were purchased from A.C. Moore including the box itself.

Materials:

  • Wooden box
  • Paint (black and gold)
  • Paint brushes
  • Wooden letters
  • Hot glue gun and glue sticks
  • Stencil
  • Gold ribbon

It took us a whole evening to finish this, mainly because we other things going on that day including celebrating my 26th birthday. But here’s the finished product (minus the gold ribbon) and the journal that inspired it:

This my first time ever doing something like this, but it was extremely fun. Lately I’ve been battling with anxiety, and doing this project was incredibly relaxing for me. We didn’t line the inside of the box, but I suggest lining it with felt or some type of fabric of you decide to make one on your own. OR!!! If you’d rather my sister and I make you one, just shoot me an email or leave a comment. 😊

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

by

Chapter 26

Today is my birthday!!!

I am so excited. I’ve been on a little bit of a social media fast, so to everyone who already has or plans to wish me a happy birthday today – thank you.

I always like to take some time before my birthday to reflect on how the past year has been. The year of 25 was a great one, but emotionally charged as well.

25 was the year I graduated nursing school and became a Registered Nurse. 25 was the year I began my career at one of the most prestigious hospitals in the country. 25 was the year I moved out on my own. 25 was the first full year I had without my cousin. 25 was the year that I accepted the fact that it’s okay to be single. 25 was the year I accepted the call pursue relationships God’s way by joining The One University. 25 was also the year I decided to share my life with the world through this blog.

As I sit here on day 1 of year 26 and reflect on my accomplishments and perceived failures of 25, I’m reminded of just how amazing the grace of God truly is. I can’t help but believe that this is first day of one of the best years of my life.

(For the last week I’ve been listening to a sermon series by Pastor Michael Todd called Grace Like a Flood. Click the link to check it out.)

by

When I knew it was time to quit my job

I graduated nursing school in May 2017, got my license in June and starting working at a very prestigious hospital in October. Fast forward to today – I’m currently looking for new jobs. I’ve only held my current position for about 6 months which in the world of healthcare equates to nothing.

I had thoughts of leaving my job plenty of times in the beginning, but I chucked it up to taking on multiple projects at one time. I had just started working in October and was already planning on going back to school to get my bachelor’s degree. I ended up postponing that until the new year. I had moved out of my parents house in December and was living on my own for the first time. The emotional toll of moving out on my own was incredibly overwhelming. I was broke all the time.

Basically I was emotionally, physically, and financially bankrupt. Being a nurse is an awesome career, but if you don’t truly love what you’re doing as a nurse – this field can definitely burn you out quickly. My first month after being off of orientation, I was mandated to stay over for a second 8 hour shift at least seven times. My unit has been understaffed since I started. Not to mention – it’s an inpatient psychiatric unit!!

When did I know it was time to quit my job?

  • When the thought of going to work the next day began to give me so much anxiety that I could not sleep the night before
  • When I realized how much my mood significantly changed once I was actually at work
  • When I actually stood in front of my coworkers and said “I hate this patient”
  • When I found myself being jealous of my friends and their jobs
  • When I accepted the fact that I wasn’t truly happy

I made the decision on my way to work this morning that I was going to take this week and begin applying for new jobs. As much as I don’t want to start all the way over somewhere else, it’s a small price to pay for peace of mind. Being a nurse is stressful; I expect that. But if I’m going to be stressed out from a job, I’d much rather be working in a field that I’m truly passionate about.

And y’all, psych ain’t it.

This morning while I was sitting in my car reading my emails, I noticed that each one had the same overall theme: giving your best in the worst situations. So, I also decided that even though I don’t enjoy being a psychiatric nurse, I will strive to be the best nurse I can be here until I get a new job somewhere else.

I walked onto my unit today prepared for it to be a complete mess. Instead, I got a day of downtime where I was able to do this post, update my resume and apply for some new jobs.

We’ll see how it goes✌🏽

by

On my own

When I first started looking for places to live, I must admit that I did it with a bit of naïveté. I had this image in my head of what living on my own would look like. It was glamorous, complete with upholstered furniture, bar stools, open floor plans, and freshly brewed coffee every morning. I was so very wrong.

I’ve been in my apartment for almost 2 whole months and it doesn’t look much different than the day I moved in. I still have boxes!! 2 months in and I still have boxes with items in them. While moving out was one of the most exciting things I’ve ever done, it’s also been one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done.

I enjoy living on my own, but I hate living on my own. It’s something that most people have a desire to do once they reach a certain age. As I type this, I can hear the voices of all of my family members that told me not to do it.

“Don’t pay bills until you absolutely have to”

“Wait. Just wait”

“Don’t be in such a rush to grow up”

“Paying rent is not fun”

The list goes on and on…

I knew what paying rent would entail. I knew that there would be some stress involved in paying other bills. What no one prepared me for was the intense feelings of loneliness that come with living on your own.

I didn’t want a roommate. I’m not that interested in sharing my space with another human being. The only person I’m willing to do that with is the husband God plans to bless me with one day. So for now, I remain alone. For the most part, it’s been great. It’s quiet. It’s peaceful. Everything is how I left it when I return from wherever I’ve spent my day.

But, there are some moments where the quiet is just too much. It’s deafening. When you live alone, you’re essentially forced to deal with yourself. I was excited about living by myself because I thought this would finally give me the time to read, study, pray, etc in peace. Little did I know that God would use this time to force me to deal with myself. When you have no one to talk to but God, you learn a lot about yourself very quickly.

I guess that’s the main reason I started this blog: to share the things I’m learning.

Update: Since I originally made this post, my parents have been here and cleaned up my apartment. Lol! Out of the goodness of my mother’s heart, she cleaned up everything while I was at work one Saturday. I mean everything! Home girl washed my dishes, washed my clothes, cleaned my bathroom…everything. Thanks mom!!