This week marks the end of week 5 of my very last clinical rotation as a nurse practitioner student. If you’ve been following along with my journey, you know how long and winding the road has been—late nights, early mornings, endless reading, exam prep, and balancing it all with motherhood and life outside of nursing. I should be excited. I should be walking into clinicals each day with my head held high, ready to own this next chapter. But if I’m being completely honest, I don’t feel confident. At all.

I think there’s this unspoken pressure that, by the time you reach your final semester, you’re supposed to have it all figured out. You’re supposed to walk into a patient room and know exactly what to say, what questions to ask, and what plan to put in place. Instead, I sometimes find myself hesitating, second-guessing, and overanalyzing. Did I ask enough questions? Did I explain that clearly? Did I miss something important? It’s a loop that can be exhausting.

The Weight of Being “The Provider”

Part of the fear comes from the newness of it all. For years, I’ve been “the nurse.” I’ve thrived in that role. I know how to support my patients, anticipate their needs, and advocate for them. I know the rhythm of nursing. But stepping into the role of “provider” feels like stepping into an entirely new identity. Suddenly, the weight of the decision doesn’t fall on someone else—I’m the one making it. I’m the one writing the prescription, interpreting the lab, deciding what comes next. And that responsibility feels heavier than I imagined.

Sometimes I look at my preceptors and wonder if I’ll ever be like them. They walk into a room with such calmness and confidence. They don’t seem rattled by tough cases, or if they are, they don’t let it show. Meanwhile, I’m silently panicking when I don’t know the answer to a patient’s question right away. I know I’m still a student and I’m supposed to be learning, but the thought that I’ll be “on my own” soon makes those gaps feel scarier than ever.

What I’ve Learned About Confidence

Here’s what I’m starting to realize though: confidence doesn’t always come first. Sometimes you have to act, practice, stumble, and grow before it ever shows up. My preceptors weren’t born confident—they became that way over time, through repetition and through learning from their own mistakes.

It reminds me of when I first became a nurse. Back in labor and delivery, I remember feeling just as overwhelmed during those first few shifts. There were so many unknowns, so many situations that made me second-guess myself. And yet, over time, with practice, I became more sure of my skills. I think stepping into the provider role will be the same. It won’t happen overnight, and that’s okay.

Giving Myself Grace

So instead of beating myself up for not feeling confident right now, I’m trying to give myself grace. I remind myself that it’s only week 5. I still have time to learn, to grow, to ask the “dumb” questions, and to watch closely how my preceptors handle difficult situations. I don’t have to be perfect yet.

I’m also leaning on my faith in this season. Every morning before I walk into clinic, I pray for wisdom, patience, and clarity. I remind myself that God placed me here for a reason and that He will equip me with what I need. When I feel shaky in my own abilities, I remind myself that I’m not walking into this alone.

To Anyone Else Struggling

If you’re also in the thick of school, clinicals, or even your first job, and you feel like confidence hasn’t caught up to you yet—I see you. It’s not just you. You’re not failing because you don’t feel ready every single moment. Growth is uncomfortable, and the fear you feel right now is proof that you care deeply about doing right by your patients.

One day, this stage of uncertainty will be part of the story we look back on. And maybe, just maybe, the very fact that we doubted ourselves will make us better providers—because we’ll never take the responsibility lightly.

For now, I’ll keep showing up each day, shaky hands and all, trusting that confidence will come.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in nursing, it’s that change is constant. No two shifts are ever the same, no two patients are ever the same, and—truthfully—no two seasons of life are ever the same either. Lately, I’ve been living that truth in a very real way.

For the past few years, labor and delivery was my home. It was where I learned to trust my instincts, advocate fiercely for patients, and stand in awe at the miracle of new life. The adrenaline, the teamwork, and the sacredness of witnessing those first cries—it all had my heart. To say I miss it would be an understatement. There’s a piece of me that will always long for the rhythm of the unit, the quiet anticipation before a baby’s arrival, and yes—even the unpredictable chaos that comes with it.

But life has shifted, and so has my career. I’ve recently transitioned into the world of fertility nursing, and it’s a whole new landscape. Instead of being there for the moment of birth, I’m walking alongside patients as they begin their journey to parenthood. The conversations are different, the procedures are different, and the emotions are often just as intense—but in a different way. It’s not always easy, and it’s certainly a learning curve, but I’m starting to see the beauty in this new chapter too. Helping families at the very beginning of their story has its own kind of sacredness, and I’m honored to be a part of it.

All of these changes are happening while I’m also juggling another big milestone: I’m in school to become a nurse practitioner. And not just anywhere in the process—I’m almost done. Just typing that feels surreal. For so long, this has been a dream simmering in the background of my life, and now I’m just months away from walking across that stage.

But if I’m honest? That excitement comes with a hefty dose of nerves. The closer I get, the more real the looming board exams feel. I know that every NP before me has faced those same butterflies, that same “what if I’m not ready?” voice in the back of their mind. Still, it doesn’t make it any less intimidating. I’ve been stockpiling study guides, reworking my schedule to carve out time for focused prep, and doing my best to remind myself that I can do this. Every late-night study session, every clinical hour, and every sacrifice has led me here.

This season of transition feels like standing at the edge of something new, with one foot still planted in the familiar. Part of me still aches for labor and delivery, part of me is learning to embrace fertility, and another part is laser-focused on the goal of becoming a nurse practitioner. It’s a lot to hold at once. Some days I feel pulled in a hundred directions, and other days I feel deep gratitude that I even get to be on this journey at all.

If you’ve ever been in a season like this—whether in nursing or in life—you know how bittersweet it can be. Growth requires letting go of some things to reach for others. And while that can feel scary (and it definitely does), it’s also where the most meaningful changes happen.

So here I am: a nurse in transition, learning to embrace the unknown, praying through the nerves, and trusting that all of these pieces of my story are falling into place for a reason.

To my fellow nurses: if you’re in your own season of change, know that you’re not alone. Whether you’re switching specialties, starting school, or just trying to figure out what’s next, it’s okay to miss where you’ve been while also looking forward to where you’re going. It’s okay to be both nervous and excited. And it’s okay to give yourself grace in the process.

The truth is, nursing isn’t just a career—it’s a calling. And sometimes that calling takes us places we never imagined we’d go. For me, that’s fertility nursing and the path to becoming a nurse practitioner. For you, it may look different. But wherever you are, I hope you’ll lean into it with courage.

Because at the end of the day, every season shapes us into the kind of nurse we were meant to be.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

Back in June I decided to leave labor and delivery in an effort to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy. At the hospital where I was doing my contract we had seen an increase in full term fetal demises and I was not coping well with it. I had no intention on returning to labor and delivery, but I did.

I’ve been back to work at my OG hospital for about a week now. It’s been a very interesting adjustment. The biggest change I’ve experienced since coming back is the level of empathy I now feel. Prior to having my own child, I could only imagine what my patients were going through. Now, I get it. I’m keeping my number of shifts in L&D to the bare minimum. I still have the desire to do something else in nursing, but labor will always have a special place in my heart – especially at my OG hospital.

Pretty soon I’ll be starting my next venture. I’ll be sharing more about that later, but I’m super excited. It’s giving me the opportunity to help moms in a different way and do it all from the comfort of my own home. That’s the bonus. I’ll get to do my job and be with my son. It’s a complete switch up for me. I’m going from working three 12-hour shifts a week to doing a normal Monday through Friday 8-hour job. The thought of it is so weird to me, but I’m looking forward to all that it will allow to do at home with and for my family.

That’s all for now friends. Xoxo,

Ash, RN

Hey guys!!

It’s been a while since the last time I came to the nurses’ station, but that’s because so much has happened these last few weeks. I’ve officially entered the world of travel nursing and it has been a crazy journey so far. Technically I’ve been traveling since June, but my first assignment was completely different than my actual specialty. I have my reasons for why I chose that job in particular, and I think it was a good fit honestly. However, I’m back in labor and delivery and I must say it feels good to be back. I still pick up hours at my OG unit and I have definitely learned to appreciate them for the things they taught me, but it feels good to see how other people practice. I don’t like to put my people out there, so I won’t say which hospital I’m working at but it has been nothing short of an amazing experience so far. The nurses I’ve met are amazing. The doctors have been super polite so far which we all know is nothing short of a miracle. I look forward to see how the rest of my contract goes and I’ll try my hardest to keep you guys updated here at the nurses’ station. 😊

So tell me, are you a travel nurse? What made you decide to start traveling? What tips and tricks do you have for someone like me who is just starting out? Let’s talk about it.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

“Throw her in the pool”

This is what was said to me by a charge nurse when I offered to stay and help a newer nurse do something she had never done before by herself. The poor girl was freaking out and it was assumed that if she were just thrown into the task, she would either sink or swim.

Why is this the mentality experienced nurses use to justify the unfair treatment of newer, less experienced nurses?

I don’t understand. Heaven forbid the nurse sinks, and then she’s at the mercy of the physician (who never makes mistakes *insert intense eye roll*), under scrutiny by the manager, and the topic of nasty gossip between coworkers. Nurses are cruel.

My biggest issue with this mentality is that not everybody learns this way. There are some people who thrive in situations like this. You give them a problem or put them in the middle of a situation and they will figure it out. There are three responses to a threat/situation – fight, flight, or freeze.

I am the type of person who tends to freeze. So if it were me thrown into a situation like this I would freak the f**k out! After a minute (or five) of freaking out I would snap out of it and do my job. Then afterwards I would beat myself up over all the things I did wrong. And the sad thing is – I have been thrown into situations like this multiple times and it’s really not a good look. It really makes you second guess your skill and ability as a nurse – at least that’s what it did to me.

I honestly didn’t write this post to come up with a answer for the problem; I really just wanted to bring awareness to the situation. Just to give some background into how much this situation bothered me – I started writing this post the night the incident happened TWO WEEKS AGO!!! But I’m just now finishing it and posting it because I was so upset that I had to step away and really gather my thoughts.

I agree that at some point as a new nurse you have to learn to do things on your own, but I don’t agree with setting someone up for failure especially when they’ve expressed their discomfort with a task. I know in this particular situation it wasn’t done out of spite, but I also know that that is not the case for everyone. Some people really do it to be mean as if watching someone fail proves a point. On this day at my job it could been addressed at the start of the shift and it wasn’t even after multiple experienced nurses expressed concern, and that’s what got under my skin.

For any new nurse who is reading this, these are the things I want you to take away from this post:

• Speak up for yourself. If you’re given an assignment that you truly believe is beyond your capability, say something!! If you’re uncomfortable with an assignment or task, say something. Who cares if the charge nurse or your coworkers don’t like it, they’re not the ones who matter – the patient does.
• Ask for help. Don’t be afraid to ask a more experienced nurse for help. Ideally you should still have access to your preceptor to ask questions and/or for added support.
• Try, try, and try again. Like I said before, eventually you will have to do it – whatever it is. So don’t be afraid to try. You’ll never learn if you don’t at least attempt. But here’s the thing – get someone to be there with you the first time you attempt. There’s no shame in that. There’s a lot of things you won’t get the opportunity to experience on orientation, and when that happens it’s okay to call on someone more experienced for guidance.
• Be honest. This goes along with speaking up. Be honest to your coworkers and be honest with yourself about your skill level. If you don’t know, you don’t know. Nursing is honestly not the career where you wanna “fake it til you make it”.
• Debrief. I think we as nurses have fallen out of the habit of debriefing. It’s overlooked way more than it should be and only seems to be a thing when something goes wrong. But maybe – and this is just me sharing my slightly professional opinion – if we debriefed the good outcomes/incidents more often we might not have as many bad outcomes. People underestimate the power of a simple “good job doing…” and how it can spark conversations between staff about how it was done, the thought process behind it, where it was learned, and if it could be applied to more than one patient situation. Debriefing is especially important for newer nurses because it gives them the opportunity to learn what they did right, what they did wrong, and how they can improve. It’s supposed to be a safe and objective conversation.
• Make sure you have a mentor. I cannot stress this enough for new nurses. It’s something that we’ve recently implemented on our unit and while I think it’s a good idea, I think it’s best done with nurses outside of your home unit. Preceptors are there to teach you the ins and outs of nursing on your unit. Mentors are there to help you develop the ins and outs of you as a nurse. One develops skill and the other develops character. Both are essential.

I hope this helps someone. I’m sorry if you’ve ever been thrown in and expected to sink or swim. My prayer is that you stick with it regardless of the outcome. See it through. Celebrate your wins and learn from your losses. Love you guys.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

Well, it’s been a little over two months since I checked in from the nurses’ station and things are definitely different for this RN.

Good news: I started a new job on a different labor and delivery unit at a completely different hospital.

Bad news: I quit 😳

I had only been there for 2.5 weeks. It wasn’t a bad job; it was actually very nice. The nurses were great. It’s way slower than my original L&D unit. It seemed as though it was going to be a lot less stressful.

So why did I leave?

Because you know, I’m just not interested anymore. The whole point of me switching jobs was to see if I didn’t like labor at all or if I just didn’t enjoy it at my original hospital. The truth is – it’s neither of those reasons. The work is still the same. Labor will always be labor. The doctors are different and the policies are different, but the core of patient care in L&D will never change.

After almost 2.5 years as a labor nurse, I’ve learned some things about myself and nursing in general:

• I don’t always want to have the same patient all day long and labor can be a looonnngggggg process (this was also an issue I had as a psych nurse)
• I like to talk to my patients, educate them, and send them on their way
• Bedside nursing isn’t for everyone and that’s okay, but bedside nursing doesn’t look the same in every specialty
• Better to have a nurse who loves their job but isn’t as good at it than to have a nurse who’s good at it but doesn’t love it. One will work their ass off to become better and the other will end up sacrificing adequate patient care for the sake of getting the job done faster. (Guilty of both honestly 🤦🏽‍♀️)
• I am not a night shift person anymore. I used to be able to work it all, but now I’m more convinced than ever that I need to be awake when the rest of the world is awake and sleeping when everyone else is sleeping

So, what now?

Honestly guys, I don’t even know. Luckily I’m still employed PRN at my OG L&D unit and even though it is the craziest place ever, I still enjoy it most times. So I think I will ride that out until I find something a little bit more to my liking. There’s also the possibility and likelihood of going back to school to get my next degree. I’m just unsure right now. It’s scary really – to go from having everything planned out to wondering what next week is going to look like. I’ll have to keep you guys posted.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

My vacation officially started when I clocked out yesterday evening at 7:30 pm. It could not have come fast enough. I literally had my worst work week to date. Yesterday topped the cake.

I still consider myself a new nurse; I’ve only had my license for a little under three years. I definitely consider myself a new labor and delivery nurse because I’ve only been doing this job on my own (officially) since December, so not even a whole six months. I still make some mistakes and I’m learning to not just be okay with that but to also learn from it.

So yesterday I had the wonderful pleasure of working with a specific doctor that about 95% of the nurses on my unit HATE. I would love to put his name out there but that wouldn’t be fair (especially while I’m still employed there). My issue is…and I guess the question I’m putting out there is: why do nurses continue to let (some) doctors be jerks to them? And why is it continually written off as “well that’s just the way s/he is”?

I have a very low tolerance for rudeness. I believe that you can disagree and still be respectful. I believe that you can not like a person and still be respectful. I was raised that way. So, when I come into a work environment and these doctors are just rude for no reason, I truly question how they were raised. I made a mistake yesterday – mind you it wasn’t life threatening – I called a patient complete who was actually 6cm. Oops. My bad. I’m sorry. My checks are still a little wonky. I made a mistake nonetheless and I wasted the doctor’s time. I get it. Time passes and I go to check my patient again and this time she is complete, so I call. He basically told me to find a better nurse to confirm my check. I got a second nurse who also said the patient was complete. He continues berating me over the phone to the point where I had to tell him – look, I made a mistake earlier and I get that but I’m still new and you need to be a little bit more patient with me. He proceeds to tell me, “believe me, I’m being nice”. My response: if that’s what you call nice, then you should nicer – and I hung up.

I was so angry all the way home. I think I even fell asleep angry. I also have to admit that it shook my confidence a little bit. Like I said, I’ve had a rough week. I’m glad I’m officially on vacation because it gives me time to gather myself and prepare myself mentally for when I return to work in May. Hopefully I can go back with a different mindset and with a little bit of my confidence back.

How do you guys handle rude doctors? Have you ever refused to work with a doctor? Do you feel like your coworkers would support you if you took a stand? Let me know what you think

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

The world has pretty much been in an uproar since for the last couple of weeks because of Coronavirus. It’s amazing how it took something of this magnitude to get the world’s attention. Since the whispers of the virus first started, I noticed an increase in my anxiety and I’m sure I’m not alone in that. I actually had to stop looking at social media and news sites. I didn’t (and still don’t) watch the news when they’re talking about it. I don’t even like to read about it or respond to it in my group text messages. Avoidance isn’t the best form of protection but at this point in order to maintain my sanity, I try not to get involved in the conversation – even with other healthcare workers.

Life at the nurses station has changed a lot in the past week. Things were changing in the matter of one 12-hour shift. I would leave work at 7:30 pm and come back to newly mandated hospital policies the next day at 7 am. My hospital has implemented a One Visitor policy and I know of others where no visitors are allowed. Licenses that were supposed to be renewed by the end of March and April are now exempt from expiring until further notice. New nursing licenses cannot be issued. When I do take the time to have conversations with my friends from nursing school about how their hospitals are handling the virus, I become more aware of the different information we’re receiving. What I heard from our infectious disease doctors is completely different from what my friends have heard from their infectious disease doctors. In such a chaotic time in healthcare, who do you trust?

God

I choose to trust God. Why? Because God doesn’t change. At a time where information and policies are changing before you can even carry out previous instructions we need stability. For that, I choose God. For peace of mind, I choose God. For protection, I choose God. It’s been amazing to see all the other gods people have chosen over the one true God (myself included). Fear tends to expose those things within us. There’s no better time than the present to rekindle your relationship with the one who holds your future in His hands. And I can assure you America, it is not the president. Open your bibles and read them. Pray a little bit more. Watch a sermon. Listen to some worship music. Do something! Every single thing that can serve as a distraction from God has been affected in some way, shape, or form. Use this time wisely.

Stay inside. Wash your hands. Don’t touch your face. Practice social distancing. Flatten the curve. Keep the faith.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

I remember when I first started going to therapy, I told my therapist that I didn’t have a lot of female friends outside of my cousins. Why? Because women are irky. Every time I have a rough day at work, I question how I ended up working on a unit where the nurses and the patients are all women. It amazes me every time.

So, this thought popped into my head again today as I sat in my patient’s room mulling over the two phone calls that I placed for help, the nurse at the desk that I asked a small favor of, and the two nurses who actually ended up helping me. I thought about all of the choices I had made in terms of building work relationships since coming to the labor side of L&D, and I thought about the conversation I had yesterday with my nurse educator.

The conclusion I came to is this: it’s not just a “women” thing; it’s a nurse thing. We as nurses have got to do better at supporting one another regardless of how we feel about each other. It’s the number one reason why I’ve always avoided women. Every decision seems to be based on a feeling and I’m not talking about a gut feeling or women’s intuition. I’m specifically talking about the “I don’t like her so…” feelings.

I had a discussion with a coworker yesterday about why I prefer not to sit at the nurses station. I like to sit at the bedside or I like to sit in my empty room. It was once suggested that I do it to hide and avoid getting another patient – which I’m sure some nurses do. I prefer it because I don’t want to be apart of the gossip, it’s more quiet, and I can focus on my charting. I’m also closer to my patient in the event that something happens.

My unit has a very high volume and turnover rate as far as patient load and all of the nurses stay pretty busy for the most part. It’s really not the kind of unit where you’re meant to fly solo in terms of patient care. For the most part if you are not the one needing the help with a patient, you’re helping another nurse with their patient. And that’s fine. That’s the way it should be.

Teamwork

It becomes an issue when help is given and then the nurse who requested the help is talked about at the nurses station or amongst that group of “experienced” nurses. That’s my pet peeve. That’s what I try to stay away from. That’s what makes me want to stay to myself on a unit where staying to yourself is unsafe. If I’m honest, I’m very particular about who I ask for help from and I happened to have worked a shift today where my options were slim to none. And personally, I don’t think you should ever feel like that as a nurse. You should never feel like you can’t call on or trust the nurses you work with. You should never feel like a burden when you do need to call for help.

Also, if you are the nurse called in to help someone and you notice that the other nurse is doing something you don’t like or wouldn’t recommend – be an adult and talk about it with THAT nurse. Don’t go back to the nurses station and talk about it with your clique like we’re in grades 7-11. Remember that speaks more volume about who you are as nurse, friend, and woman than it does the other person.