As Told By Ashley

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Our new normal: Update

Well…

My parents are still quarantined and I think they’re handling it pretty well. As of this past Monday, everyone in my household has been tested (in some way) for COVID-19. I got my results back Thursday and it was negative. Yay me! I’ll have to get an antibody test at some point, but no time soon.

This is week 2 of my parent’s quarantine. Everyone’s a little stir crazy, but still trying to make the best of it. Also, an important thing to note is that everyone is healthy. My dad’s symptoms have pretty much subsided. His appetite is back, he’s not as fatigued, and he’s back to making his silly jokes. My mom never really had any symptoms, so I’m grateful for that. My sister has been the ultimate champ when it comes to caring for them.

For the sake of my parents’ sanity I’m glad their quarantine is almost over. It’s been entertaining watching them navigate not being able to leave the house. I took a couple days off while I waited for my results to come back so I had a little mini staycation, but now I am back to work and happy to be getting out of the house again.

Stay safe.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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Don’t settle

Today is a bittersweet day for me.

Today is the day I was supposed to sit at the settlement table and close on my house. I started this process back in December 2019 with a $250 down payment. I was excited and scared all at the same time. The plan was to continue putting money towards the down payment until today when I would come with the last $2200 of it. It was a new construction in a brand new development right across the street from an apartment complex that I lived in a couple years ago. I got to choose everything I wanted inside the house as far as counter colors, flooring, etc. but I had no say in the layout of the actual house. I paid $1000 every payday to ensure that my down payment would be a sufficient amount by settlement day.

I never stopped looking at houses. Even though my house was a decent house, it didn’t have everything that I wanted in it. I wanted a house with a garage; this house had no garage. I wanted a house with a split tub and shower in the master bath; this house had only a (very large) shower. I went back and forth wondering whether I was making the right decision. This is a house. This is an investment. This is somewhere I plan to live for at least three years. Do I really want to spend three years in a place that doesn’t have what I want just because I want to say that I have it? Especially considering how much my mortgage was going to be ($2300/month – twice my rent 😵)

I made that mistake when I bought my first car. It was there, and I didn’t want to leave without a vehicle. It was a cream (yes, cream) colored 2011 Kia Sorento. I liked it, but I didn’t love it. But I didn’t wanna leave the dealership without a car, so I bought it. It was nice for a while and then it became my biggest headache. One day last year I was getting ready to pick up my mom from the dealership where they’d just purchased my sister’s car. I went to start my Sorento and it wouldn’t start. This had been an ongoing problem that I couldn’t seem to get fixed. Every time I tried to take it to a shop they would tell me they wouldn’t know how to fix it unless it happened while the truck was with them. I couldn’t afford to leave my truck in a shop and wait for it to not start, so I went on about my business. On this particular morning when my car didn’t start, I put my purse and stuff in it and I cleaned everything else out. I knew we would be at the dealership for a few hours with my mom and there were other dealerships in the area – I was going to look for a car. We spent the entire time looking for a Chevy Equinox because that’s what I thought I wanted and I knew I could get everything I wanted in that SUV for a reasonable price. I left the dealership with a Mazda that had everything I wanted except one thing, and I was okay with that because that one thing could be added to my vehicle whenever I wanted.

I say all that to say – had I been patient the first time we went car shopping and done a bit more research I probably could’ve gotten a much better car. I could’ve saved myself a lot of money in car repairs and I probably wouldn’t have needed to buy another car so soon. But I settled. Settling with a car is one thing, but settling with a house is a completely different monster. You actually have to live there. Every day. All day.

I didn’t back out of purchasing my home. Had I done that, I would have lost all the money I put into it. It was actually an issue with my credit score that caused me to no longer qualify for the house. At first I was devastated, but then I was grateful because 1.) I didn’t really want the house. Nothing about it gave me peace. 2.) I don’t think I would have been able to afford it. I make decent money, but all my money would have been going towards the house and nothing else. 3.) I got all of my money back. Everything I had paid them was refunded to my bank account. I was able to take that money and pay my parents back for helping me to break my apartment lease, pay for my last 4 classes to finish my degree, and pay off three credit cards sooner than I planned. My credit score has since recovered and now that I’m not paying rent I can put way more money into my savings.

I restarted the process of buying a home, but with a realtor this time. I will definitely keep you guys posted.

Stay safe.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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Our new normal

Life has been very interesting in the Gray house these days. I don’t even know where to begin.

I recently had some vacation time for my 28th birthday. I took off for two weeks, but scheduled myself to be off for about three. It was interesting to say the least. My whole first week was full of anxiety like I have never experienced. I couldn’t sleep, my stomach was upset, I had heart palpitations, dizziness – the whole thing. I ended up scheduling a doctors appointment and an appointment with my therapist. Needless to say, both were necessary and I did get better. The second week went much better once I got my mind and body right and I was actually able to enjoy the rest of my time off.

I started back at work last Monday and it was actually nice to go back. I was only home for a little less than three weeks and I thought I would lose my mind, so I can’t imagine how everyone else has been doing it all this time. My first week back at work was nothing short of amazing. I had great patients and it was Nurses’ Week. It was just the return I needed after having the week that I had before my vacation started.

Then this past Monday…my dad tested positive for COVID-19. Talk about stretching!! I could go into so much detail about how my faith and patience have been stretched these past couple months but I won’t. I will say that my dad is doing alright, and for that I’m grateful. My mom was tested today since she had been around my dad while he was having symptoms. My sister was antibody tested last week and it was determined that she already had the virus. As for me, I’m sure I had it at some point but I was never officially tested (and I’m asymptomatic).

So, this is my new normal (for now).

Stay safe everyone.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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The Nurses’ Station 4/17

My vacation officially started when I clocked out yesterday evening at 7:30 pm. It could not have come fast enough. I literally had my worst work week to date. Yesterday topped the cake.

I still consider myself a new nurse; I’ve only had my license for a little under three years. I definitely consider myself a new labor and delivery nurse because I’ve only been doing this job on my own (officially) since December, so not even a whole six months. I still make some mistakes and I’m learning to not just be okay with that but to also learn from it.

So yesterday I had the wonderful pleasure of working with a specific doctor that about 95% of the nurses on my unit HATE. I would love to put his name out there but that wouldn’t be fair (especially while I’m still employed there). My issue is…and I guess the question I’m putting out there is: why do nurses continue to let (some) doctors be jerks to them? And why is it continually written off as “well that’s just the way s/he is”?

I have a very low tolerance for rudeness. I believe that you can disagree and still be respectful. I believe that you can not like a person and still be respectful. I was raised that way. So, when I come into a work environment and these doctors are just rude for no reason, I truly question how they were raised. I made a mistake yesterday – mind you it wasn’t life threatening – I called a patient complete who was actually 6cm. Oops. My bad. I’m sorry. My checks are still a little wonky. I made a mistake nonetheless and I wasted the doctor’s time. I get it. Time passes and I go to check my patient again and this time she is complete, so I call. He basically told me to find a better nurse to confirm my check. I got a second nurse who also said the patient was complete. He continues berating me over the phone to the point where I had to tell him – look, I made a mistake earlier and I get that but I’m still new and you need to be a little bit more patient with me. He proceeds to tell me, “believe me, I’m being nice”. My response: if that’s what you call nice, then you should nicer – and I hung up.

I was so angry all the way home. I think I even fell asleep angry. I also have to admit that it shook my confidence a little bit. Like I said, I’ve had a rough week. I’m glad I’m officially on vacation because it gives me time to gather myself and prepare myself mentally for when I return to work in May. Hopefully I can go back with a different mindset and with a little bit of my confidence back.

How do you guys handle rude doctors? Have you ever refused to work with a doctor? Do you feel like your coworkers would support you if you took a stand? Let me know what you think

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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Social distancing

The world has pretty much been in an uproar since for the last couple of weeks because of Coronavirus. It’s amazing how it took something of this magnitude to get the world’s attention. Since the whispers of the virus first started, I noticed an increase in my anxiety and I’m sure I’m not alone in that. I actually had to stop looking at social media and news sites. I didn’t (and still don’t) watch the news when they’re talking about it. I don’t even like to read about it or respond to it in my group text messages. Avoidance isn’t the best form of protection but at this point in order to maintain my sanity, I try not to get involved in the conversation – even with other healthcare workers.

Life at the nurses station has changed a lot in the past week. Things were changing in the matter of one 12-hour shift. I would leave work at 7:30 pm and come back to newly mandated hospital policies the next day at 7 am. My hospital has implemented a One Visitor policy and I know of others where no visitors are allowed. Licenses that were supposed to be renewed by the end of March and April are now exempt from expiring until further notice. New nursing licenses cannot be issued. When I do take the time to have conversations with my friends from nursing school about how their hospitals are handling the virus, I become more aware of the different information we’re receiving. What I heard from our infectious disease doctors is completely different from what my friends have heard from their infectious disease doctors. In such a chaotic time in healthcare, who do you trust?

God

I choose to trust God. Why? Because God doesn’t change. At a time where information and policies are changing before you can even carry out previous instructions we need stability. For that, I choose God. For peace of mind, I choose God. For protection, I choose God. It’s been amazing to see all the other gods people have chosen over the one true God (myself included). Fear tends to expose those things within us. There’s no better time than the present to rekindle your relationship with the one who holds your future in His hands. And I can assure you America, it is not the president. Open your bibles and read them. Pray a little bit more. Watch a sermon. Listen to some worship music. Do something! Every single thing that can serve as a distraction from God has been affected in some way, shape, or form. Use this time wisely.

Stay inside. Wash your hands. Don’t touch your face. Practice social distancing. Flatten the curve. Keep the faith.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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Worry

So I’ve made the move back home with my parents in preparation for all that is to come in 2020.

However, I’m not writing about that today. My father and I were taking some of my things to storage yesterday and he said something to me in the midst of organizing all my crap in the storage unit that I just had to share. Usually when I share stories about my dad they involve some insane thing that he said to either myself or my sister that left us shaking our heads and/or crying from laughter. Yesterday’s one-liner gave me an all new feeling.

Per usual, I was overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I’ve accumulated since moving out back in 2017. I was worried that it wouldn’t all fit in this little storage room. As my father is carefully rearranging things already in the unit to fit in the last of things from my apartment I couldn’t help but ask him if he was sure it was gonna all fit. He never looked at me; he never stopped working. Instead he said, “I’m not worried, so why are you? If I start to worry, then you can worry.”

The amount of peace that came over me in that moment is indescribable. Immediately I thought of God. People often say how we associate our views of God as our heavenly father based on our relationship with our worldly father. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a two-parent household with a very present father, so I never really had to guess what a father is supposed to be like. But I think that was the first time I heard my Heavenly Father in my worldly father’s voice.

Anxiety has been a constant in my life for some years now. When it started – I honestly don’t remember. This past year has been a struggle (for reasons I may discuss in a future post) and the amount of worry I’ve experienced has increased in ways that I really can’t articulate. And to be honest, I’ve been worried about some of the dumbest things. But sometimes you just can’t help it.

I’m not worried, so why are you? A question God probably asks us on a regular basis. If I start to worry, then you can worry. How amazing is it that we serve a God who is never worried?!

Not worrying will always be easier said than done, but it does feel good to know that at any given moment we can give that worry to God. We can lay it at his feet and rest knowing that the issue will be handled according to his will.

That’s all I have for today. Peace ✌🏽

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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It’s a nurse thing

I remember when I first started going to therapy, I told my therapist that I didn’t have a lot of female friends outside of my cousins. Why? Because women are irky. Every time I have a rough day at work, I question how I ended up working on a unit where the nurses and the patients are all women. It amazes me every time.

So, this thought popped into my head again today as I sat in my patient’s room mulling over the two phone calls that I placed for help, the nurse at the desk that I asked a small favor of, and the two nurses who actually ended up helping me. I thought about all of the choices I had made in terms of building work relationships since coming to the labor side of L&D, and I thought about the conversation I had yesterday with my nurse educator.

The conclusion I came to is this: it’s not just a “women” thing; it’s a nurse thing. We as nurses have got to do better at supporting one another regardless of how we feel about each other. It’s the number one reason why I’ve always avoided women. Every decision seems to be based on a feeling and I’m not talking about a gut feeling or women’s intuition. I’m specifically talking about the “I don’t like her so…” feelings.

I had a discussion with a coworker yesterday about why I prefer not to sit at the nurses station. I like to sit at the bedside or I like to sit in my empty room. It was once suggested that I do it to hide and avoid getting another patient – which I’m sure some nurses do. I prefer it because I don’t want to be apart of the gossip, it’s more quiet, and I can focus on my charting. I’m also closer to my patient in the event that something happens.

My unit has a very high volume and turnover rate as far as patient load and all of the nurses stay pretty busy for the most part. It’s really not the kind of unit where you’re meant to fly solo in terms of patient care. For the most part if you are not the one needing the help with a patient, you’re helping another nurse with their patient. And that’s fine. That’s the way it should be.

Teamwork

It becomes an issue when help is given and then the nurse who requested the help is talked about at the nurses station or amongst that group of “experienced” nurses. That’s my pet peeve. That’s what I try to stay away from. That’s what makes me want to stay to myself on a unit where staying to yourself is unsafe. If I’m honest, I’m very particular about who I ask for help from and I happened to have worked a shift today where my options were slim to none. And personally, I don’t think you should ever feel like that as a nurse. You should never feel like you can’t call on or trust the nurses you work with. You should never feel like a burden when you do need to call for help.

Also, if you are the nurse called in to help someone and you notice that the other nurse is doing something you don’t like or wouldn’t recommend – be an adult and talk about it with THAT nurse. Don’t go back to the nurses station and talk about it with your clique like we’re in grades 7-11. Remember that speaks more volume about who you are as nurse, friend, and woman than it does the other person.

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Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year friends. I hope 2020 is everything you need it to be 😊

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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2020 Planning

We are less than 10 days away from a brand new year/decade, and I’m so excited 😊

Usually around this time I start to take an inventory of all the good things that happened in 2019 as well as the not-so-good things. This morning in my quiet time I actually wrote down my good and bad experiences, and I noticed some things. First of all, I’m extremely grateful to God that my list of good things was waaayyyy longer than my list of not-so-good things. The best things on my 2019 list: Andrea, Daxx, Legend, and Hendrix. These four tiny humans truly blessed my life, their parents’ lives, and the rest of my family as well. They’re absolutely adorable and we love them so much ❤️

I took a look at my not-so-good list and went into major planning mode. There were some things that happened that I can’t go back and change or fix, and honestly I’m okay with that. However, there were some things that were preventable and with a little bit of planning (and a lot of discipline) could be done correctly in 2020.

It’s definitely a process that I look forward to sharing with guys in the new year. ✌🏽

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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Thinking of a master plan

I just finished orientation at my current job.

For any new nurse, being on orientation can be a stressful experience. Your preceptor (the person who orients you) can make or break your entire experience. After going through one orientation on this job and now experiencing another while also taking into account the orientation that I received at my previous place of employment, I’ve come to notice some things and I want to share them with you guys. It’s become something that I’m quite interested in pursuing because it’s a critical time for a new nurse, especially if they’re a new graduate nurse. Programs like Nurse Residency are great but do they teach you how to navigate the intricate relationship that you will have with your preceptor(s).

Fortunately for me, I had a great Nurse Mentor in my educator from Nurse Residency. Her name was Christianna and I’m 100% for sure that had it not been for her I would not have made it through my first year as a nurse. I enjoyed being a nurse, but I hated my job. Psychiatric nursing is not for the faint of heart. I hated working five days a week (rotating shifts!!!), and I absolutely hated my commute into the city. I wanted to quit multiple times, but she continued to encourage me. She met with me and we talked about so many things to help manage life on the job and off.

I had great preceptors when I worked in psych. They were easy to talk to, not into micromanaging, and a great resource for questions that I had. They were also very supportive of the fact that I did not want to remain a psych nurse past my first year. When I switched specialties and moved into Labor and Delivery I was oriented twice. Once when I first started to be a baby nurse, which is where I worked until I could transition to actual labor. And now here we are…

As I stated earlier, there are quite a few things I’ve learned/observed over these past 12 weeks of orientation as it pertains to preceptors:

1. If you don’t want to precept, don’t. I cannot stress this enough!!! It doesn’t do the new nurse any good to be taught by someone who has no real interest in teaching and it will show in how they are taught as well as how they perform without you. You may not see it but others definitely will.

2. Having only one preceptor isn’t always the best idea. A lot of people think that having more than one preceptor is difficult because everyone does things differently. For me, it was eye opening. There are so many things that I learned from my main preceptor that other nurses didn’t do or just did differently. Also, some people are just better at explaining things. So I was able to pick what worked for me and I went back to my main preceptor with a better understanding of certain things.

3. If you don’t think your preceptor (or your orientee if you are the preceptor) is a good fit for you, SPEAK UP. When it was suggested to me who my main preceptor would be – I literally was like 😬 oh no. I agreed to learn from her and while I’m glad I did, it did not come easily. It wasn’t until I got a new preceptor that I was able to appreciate all that I had learned because I was actually given the opportunity to apply it.

4. As a preceptor, know your orientee’s orientation schedule. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like it’s just as much the preceptor’s responsibility to know what you’re supposed to be learning during the week as it is the orientee’s. You both should have a schedule and you both should be responsible for what is to be learned.

5. Know when to let go. This one goes both ways. Preceptors need to know when to let go and let their orientees do the work. Orientees need to know when to take initiative and just do it, especially if you feel like you’re capable. You have to cut the cord eventually (L&D joke). The thing I appreciated most about my preceptors in psych and my preceptor as a baby nurse was that they taught me and then they let me go. They were always close by if I got stuck or had questions, but that was it. They weren’t constantly over my shoulder once they saw that I was confident in my skills. That trust was a good feeling for me and I was comforted knowing that I could always call if I truly needed them.

I think these 5 things are a good place to start for now. There’s so much more I could comment on about my orientation as it regards to my unit as a whole. Myself and a few other girls were the first to be oriented under our new nurse educator who is amazing. But there are definitely some kinks that need to be worked out. It was interesting to say the least and I’m so glad it’s over. ✌🏽

Xoxo,

Ash, RN