As Told By Ashley

A look at my life

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Worry

So I’ve made the move back home with my parents in preparation for all that is to come in 2020.

However, I’m not writing about that today. My father and I were taking some of my things to storage yesterday and he said something to me in the midst of organizing all my crap in the storage unit that I just had to share. Usually when I share stories about my dad they involve some insane thing that he said to either myself or my sister that left us shaking our heads and/or crying from laughter. Yesterday’s one-liner gave me an all new feeling.

Per usual, I was overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I’ve accumulated since moving out back in 2017. I was worried that it wouldn’t all fit in this little storage room. As my father is carefully rearranging things already in the unit to fit in the last of things from my apartment I couldn’t help but ask him if he was sure it was gonna all fit. He never looked at me; he never stopped working. Instead he said, “I’m not worried, so why are you? If I start to worry, then you can worry.”

The amount of peace that came over me in that moment is indescribable. Immediately I thought of God. People often say how we associate our views of God as our heavenly father based on our relationship with our worldly father. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a two-parent household with a very present father, so I never really had to guess what a father is supposed to be like. But I think that was the first time I heard my Heavenly Father in my worldly father’s voice.

Anxiety has been a constant in my life for some years now. When it started – I honestly don’t remember. This past year has been a struggle (for reasons I may discuss in a future post) and the amount of worry I’ve experienced has increased in ways that I really can’t articulate. And to be honest, I’ve been worried about some of the dumbest things. But sometimes you just can’t help it.

I’m not worried, so why are you? A question God probably asks us on a regular basis. If I start to worry, then you can worry. How amazing is it that we serve a God who is never worried?!

Not worrying will always be easier said than done, but it does feel good to know that at any given moment we can give that worry to God. We can lay it at his feet and rest knowing that the issue will be handled according to his will.

That’s all I have for today. Peace ✌🏽

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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It’s a nurse thing

I remember when I first started going to therapy, I told my therapist that I didn’t have a lot of female friends outside of my cousins. Why? Because women are irky. Every time I have a rough day at work, I question how I ended up working on a unit where the nurses and the patients are all women. It amazes me every time.

So, this thought popped into my head again today as I sat in my patient’s room mulling over the two phone calls that I placed for help, the nurse at the desk that I asked a small favor of, and the two nurses who actually ended up helping me. I thought about all of the choices I had made in terms of building work relationships since coming to the labor side of L&D, and I thought about the conversation I had yesterday with my nurse educator.

The conclusion I came to is this: it’s not just a “women” thing; it’s a nurse thing. We as nurses have got to do better at supporting one another regardless of how we feel about each other. It’s the number one reason why I’ve always avoided women. Every decision seems to be based on a feeling and I’m not talking about a gut feeling or women’s intuition. I’m specifically talking about the “I don’t like her so…” feelings.

I had a discussion with a coworker yesterday about why I prefer not to sit at the nurses station. I like to sit at the bedside or I like to sit in my empty room. It was once suggested that I do it to hide and avoid getting another patient – which I’m sure some nurses do. I prefer it because I don’t want to be apart of the gossip, it’s more quiet, and I can focus on my charting. I’m also closer to my patient in the event that something happens.

My unit has a very high volume and turnover rate as far as patient load and all of the nurses stay pretty busy for the most part. It’s really not the kind of unit where you’re meant to fly solo in terms of patient care. For the most part if you are not the one needing the help with a patient, you’re helping another nurse with their patient. And that’s fine. That’s the way it should be.

Teamwork

It becomes an issue when help is given and then the nurse who requested the help is talked about at the nurses station or amongst that group of “experienced” nurses. That’s my pet peeve. That’s what I try to stay away from. That’s what makes me want to stay to myself on a unit where staying to yourself is unsafe. If I’m honest, I’m very particular about who I ask for help from and I happened to have worked a shift today where my options were slim to none. And personally, I don’t think you should ever feel like that as a nurse. You should never feel like you can’t call on or trust the nurses you work with. You should never feel like a burden when you do need to call for help.

Also, if you are the nurse called in to help someone and you notice that the other nurse is doing something you don’t like or wouldn’t recommend – be an adult and talk about it with THAT nurse. Don’t go back to the nurses station and talk about it with your clique like we’re in grades 7-11. Remember that speaks more volume about who you are as nurse, friend, and woman than it does the other person.

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Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year friends. I hope 2020 is everything you need it to be 😊

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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2020 Planning

We are less than 10 days away from a brand new year/decade, and I’m so excited 😊

Usually around this time I start to take an inventory of all the good things that happened in 2019 as well as the not-so-good things. This morning in my quiet time I actually wrote down my good and bad experiences, and I noticed some things. First of all, I’m extremely grateful to God that my list of good things was waaayyyy longer than my list of not-so-good things. The best things on my 2019 list: Andrea, Daxx, Legend, and Hendrix. These four tiny humans truly blessed my life, their parents’ lives, and the rest of my family as well. They’re absolutely adorable and we love them so much ❤️

I took a look at my not-so-good list and went into major planning mode. There were some things that happened that I can’t go back and change or fix, and honestly I’m okay with that. However, there were some things that were preventable and with a little bit of planning (and a lot of discipline) could be done correctly in 2020.

It’s definitely a process that I look forward to sharing with guys in the new year. ✌🏽

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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Thinking of a master plan

I just finished orientation at my current job.

For any new nurse, being on orientation can be a stressful experience. Your preceptor (the person who orients you) can make or break your entire experience. After going through one orientation on this job and now experiencing another while also taking into account the orientation that I received at my previous place of employment, I’ve come to notice some things and I want to share them with you guys. It’s become something that I’m quite interested in pursuing because it’s a critical time for a new nurse, especially if they’re a new graduate nurse. Programs like Nurse Residency are great but do they teach you how to navigate the intricate relationship that you will have with your preceptor(s).

Fortunately for me, I had a great Nurse Mentor in my educator from Nurse Residency. Her name was Christianna and I’m 100% for sure that had it not been for her I would not have made it through my first year as a nurse. I enjoyed being a nurse, but I hated my job. Psychiatric nursing is not for the faint of heart. I hated working five days a week (rotating shifts!!!), and I absolutely hated my commute into the city. I wanted to quit multiple times, but she continued to encourage me. She met with me and we talked about so many things to help manage life on the job and off.

I had great preceptors when I worked in psych. They were easy to talk to, not into micromanaging, and a great resource for questions that I had. They were also very supportive of the fact that I did not want to remain a psych nurse past my first year. When I switched specialties and moved into Labor and Delivery I was oriented twice. Once when I first started to be a baby nurse, which is where I worked until I could transition to actual labor. And now here we are…

As I stated earlier, there are quite a few things I’ve learned/observed over these past 12 weeks of orientation as it pertains to preceptors:

1. If you don’t want to precept, don’t. I cannot stress this enough!!! It doesn’t do the new nurse any good to be taught by someone who has no real interest in teaching and it will show in how they are taught as well as how they perform without you. You may not see it but others definitely will.

2. Having only one preceptor isn’t always the best idea. A lot of people think that having more than one preceptor is difficult because everyone does things differently. For me, it was eye opening. There are so many things that I learned from my main preceptor that other nurses didn’t do or just did differently. Also, some people are just better at explaining things. So I was able to pick what worked for me and I went back to my main preceptor with a better understanding of certain things.

3. If you don’t think your preceptor (or your orientee if you are the preceptor) is a good fit for you, SPEAK UP. When it was suggested to me who my main preceptor would be – I literally was like 😬 oh no. I agreed to learn from her and while I’m glad I did, it did not come easily. It wasn’t until I got a new preceptor that I was able to appreciate all that I had learned because I was actually given the opportunity to apply it.

4. As a preceptor, know your orientee’s orientation schedule. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like it’s just as much the preceptor’s responsibility to know what you’re supposed to be learning during the week as it is the orientee’s. You both should have a schedule and you both should be responsible for what is to be learned.

5. Know when to let go. This one goes both ways. Preceptors need to know when to let go and let their orientees do the work. Orientees need to know when to take initiative and just do it, especially if you feel like you’re capable. You have to cut the cord eventually (L&D joke). The thing I appreciated most about my preceptors in psych and my preceptor as a baby nurse was that they taught me and then they let me go. They were always close by if I got stuck or had questions, but that was it. They weren’t constantly over my shoulder once they saw that I was confident in my skills. That trust was a good feeling for me and I was comforted knowing that I could always call if I truly needed them.

I think these 5 things are a good place to start for now. There’s so much more I could comment on about my orientation as it regards to my unit as a whole. Myself and a few other girls were the first to be oriented under our new nurse educator who is amazing. But there are definitely some kinks that need to be worked out. It was interesting to say the least and I’m so glad it’s over. ✌🏽

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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What’s your motive?

Usually one of the first things I do in the mornings is check the verse of the day. I use the YouVersion app and the verse of the day shows up as one of the widgets when I swipe my lock screen. Yesterday’s verse of the day was Mark 11:24 (I use the NLT version), “I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. Very encouraging word, right?

This morning I woke up and per usual I checked my verse of the day. Even though I wasn’t fully awake and my eyes were still adjusting I managed to read what was there. “And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong – you only want what will give you pleasure” (James 4:3 NLT). I got up and went on with my morning routine. I ended up sitting in my living room preparing to journal about the two verses because they spoke to me on a heart level. I opened my YouVersion app and scrolled to the verse of the day and it was not James 4:3. I was so confused because not only did I know what I had seen, but I recognized what I felt as I read that verse. You can’t deny the feeling of conviction. (Well you could but what good would that do?) I was so excited after reading yesterday’s verse only to be reminded of a very harsh reality that we often overlook when seeking God for the desires of our heart.

What’s your motive?

Why do you want that job?

Why do you want that relationship with that person?

Why do you want more money?

Why do you want that house or that car?

I think in the moments where we feel like God isn’t answering our prayers like his word says he will in Mark 11, we should remember what his word also says in James 4. When things don’t go our way, we’re quick to blame God or believe that he doesn’t hear us or that we’ve messed up so bad in the past that there’s no way he would give us the desires of our heart. But that’s not true. Sometimes God doesn’t give us the desires of our heart simply because we desire them for the wrong reasons.

Check your motive.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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I Wish I Was Moving Up In The World

I can’t tell you all how many times I’ve had this thought. This particular phrase came up in a conversation with one of my cousins after I purchased a new vehicle. It was said jokingly but it really made me think.

Like I said, I’ve had this thought often. It comes with deep seated issues of comparison. It comes with wondering why this person is married and that person is having a baby and I’m not doing either of those things. My issues with comparison is something that I rarely speak about openly. When you bring up how you feel about everyone moving on in life, it is usually met with responses like “but you’re doing great things” or “not everything you see online is how it is in real life”.

Very true statements, but ultimately not helpful.

The thought process that I had after reading this in the text from my cousin is what prompted me to write. There are many times when I don’t feel like I’m moving up in the world, and it is usually in those times when I realize that I’ve definitely moved up in spirit. Insecurities and feelings of jealousy and discontentment use to plague my thoughts when seeing others “move up in the world”. But lately all of those feelings have been replaced with prayers for those that I see moving up and for myself.

Nothing deep with this post – just a thought.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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“Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7 NLT)

That’s the verse of the day for today. I came across it after I had messaged my ex-boyfriend for the last time, without knowing whether he would ever read my message. But that’s okay, because after sending it I experienced this very peace. Overall our relationship didn’t last that long, but it was fun. He was just what I needed in my life at the time. His presence served its purpose. I walked away from that experience with good things and bad things that I will probably carry with me for the rest of my life. Despite the good and bad, I have peace.

Although our relationship ended on good terms, the events that unfolded after were completely bizarre. I still can’t believe I entertained that foolishness. But I’m grateful! Being able to witness the craziness that was happening to my ex’s new girlfriend actually gave me a front row seat to what my life would have been like had we stayed together. How many of us actually get the opportunity to see up close and personal what God wanted to protect us from? Like I said, there are repercussions from that relationship that I will always carry with me but that’s a small price to pay for the peace and understanding I’ve been given regarding why it had to end.

Just thought I’d share.

That’s all I have to say about that.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

https://astoldbyashley.com/2019/05/21/100/

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But even if you don’t…

For the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking about these five words. I’ve heard a variation of them in different sermons and messages from a few different pastors and preachers over the last month or so. To be honest, I’ve struggled with these five words.

It’s the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. I’m not going to go through the whole thing, but it’s important that we set the scene. They were the 3 young men who stood in front of King Nebuchadnezzar and basically told him that they would not bow down to his gods. He threatened to toss them (alive) into a blazing hot furnace. The three young men stood in front of the king and told him once more that they would not bow down. They then proceeded to tell the king that they knew God would save them if they were to be thrown into the furnace. But look at what they said next:

“If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.”

‭‭Daniel‬ ‭3:17-18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“But even if he doesn’t…”

I sat for a while wondering if I’ve ever been that bold in my faith. Lately it hasn’t seemed that way. I made the decision to return home to my parents’ house and since then anything and everything that could go wrong has. I told my mom today that I feel like I’m one car problem away from a nervous breakdown. She told me to stay calm and be positive; everything would work out.

But even if it doesn’t…

Well, what if it doesn’t? Then what do I do?

The truth is…I don’t know. I won’t know unless it actually doesn’t work out. Why is it that we have so much faith that things will work out but lack the belief that even if he doesn’t do that thing that we need or give us that relationship that we want, we will still be okay. These three boys knew that even if God chose not to spare their lives, they would still okay because they would have died in obedience.

Can we say and/or do the same? Just a thought.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

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I’m currently working on an assignment for school. It’s about mentoring. The assignment got me thinking…

What type of mentor do I want to be?

At my last job I had the privilege of being assigned a mentor that was separate from my preceptor (more on that later). By the time my mentor and I knew she was my mentor, I was already over my job and looking for new ones. The person that was chosen to be my mentor was incredibly fit for the job. She was in the process of getting her master’s and a clinical instructor. She was great to work with and a very helpful resource on those stressful days. Had we had the proper mentor/mentee relationship, I think we both would have flourished. I think it would have been good for her to put on her resume or use for the clinical ladder and for me – maybe I wouldn’t have hated my job so much so quickly.

I mentioned earlier that my mentor was not my preceptor. Smartest decision ever! My preceptor trained me on the job for the job. She was also great and a very helpful resource. Preceptors are meant to teach and evaluate your performance as a nurse; the relationship is professional. In the case of mentors, I think the relationship is (or should be) more personal.

Things you should look for in a mentor:

  • Someone who listens to you
  • Someone who encourages you
  • Someone who is willing to push you out of you comfort zone
  • Someone who has the ability to look past how THEY feel to help you
  • Someone who will hold you accountable
  • Someone who does not shy away from providing constructive criticism
  • Someone who has the ability to be lead (Some of the best mentors have their own mentor. You cannot be an effective leader if you don’t know how to be lead.)

Those were just some of the things I thought about. I’m interested to know if you guys had a mentor and how they treated you. Were they helpful? Kind? Could they have done or been better? Let me know.

Xoxo,

Ash, RN

https://astoldbyashley.com/2019/02/12/85/